We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
