you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
