one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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