Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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