he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
