my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
