I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
