I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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