The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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