THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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