U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The feeling are messing with the penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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