Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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