i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize