I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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