so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
