I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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