i just had sex bonerless
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
