I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
