Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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