Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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