I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
