you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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