Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
