i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
