gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
