you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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