Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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