woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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