In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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