shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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