This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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