God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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