God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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