i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
