I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
