I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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