I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.