he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
