He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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