dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
