i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
