it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
