Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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