thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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