his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
