Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
