k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
