you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
