i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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