i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
