omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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