she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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