that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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