happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
