remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
