My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
