Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
