You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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