I am in a vortex of obligation.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
