Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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