why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
