why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
