It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
