Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
