bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
