If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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