I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
