why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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