This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
