I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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